Too Many Open Tabs

Lately I have felt like an internet browser left up with too many open tabs. I have too much going on to process, everything is loading slowly and I have no idea where the music coming from.

Okay, I admit the last part was a joke that I read somewhere but the overall sentiment is really true in my life right now. I crave simplicity and balance but instead I am running around like Bristol when I throw her toy squeak toy into the kitchen – full speed into a skid bracing myself for a crash.

I walk around my house and all I see is “unfinished”. I have projects in all states of progress but nothing is complete. That is a very stressful environment to live in. I start on one task and quickly I get distracted by another not quite finished project and at the end of the day I have nothing to show for my efforts. Except sometimes yet another project that I have started but not quite finished and a body that is completely worn out.

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Unfinished.

I am frustrated with myself because I expect so much more. I left my full-time job to be a professional dog trainer and I had these delusions of suddenly becoming successful at other side hustles that I had half-started in the past now that I have more time to devote to.

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But I’m not using my time wisely yet. And I can’t expect that just because I now “have the time” that suddenly I am going to finish everything that is sitting around me in a state of disarray. Not without addressing the underlying habits.

I don’t really know what the underlying reason behind me not finishing things is. Maybe I’m afraid of failing if I put my all into something. I’m not quite to the fully self aware stage yet of this particular issue. But I do know that when I’m re-reading the Little House books I love reading about Ma, Mary and Laura working on a chore from start to finish, including cleaning everything up. There is something extremely comforting about that idea. Finished AND cleaned up.

The complete opposite of my life right now. In a more modern context is my favorite show Heartland that I like to watch in the evenings while I stitch – they live on a ranch and much the same, when there is a job to be done they pitch in and finish it. They help prepare healthy meals and they clean everything up when they are done.

That’s where I need to start. I waste a lot more food than I care to admit and I haven’t been eating as healthy as my body deserves. Last summer when I started my CSA I was doing pretty well but I have fallen so far off that wagon.

A habit I have is only prepping the amount of food I need in the moment and not planning ahead which makes it much harder to eat well.

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I have stopped buying baby carrots due to the disgusting soapy taste that I have gotten on more than one occasion. So yesterday at the store I got whole carrots. I still want to eat them raw as snacks (I’m not big on cooked veggies but I’m trying to get better. Baby steps.) so this morning I peeled all of them and chopped them up into snack size pieces.

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Liam planted himself on my feet to get anything that happened to fall while I was peeling.

Instead of just doing a few to get me by and then putting the rest back in the fridge for another time – a time when I will likely be in a hurry and will get something unhealthy instead – I took the time to peel and chop all of them. And guess what?

It didn’t take much more time than doing just a few of them would have.

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And now I have carrots to eat for the next week or so (the mason jars help to keep them fresh for up to 10 days in the fridge) whenever I need a snack which is going to make healthy decisions easier for me.

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Bonus – while I was peeling and chopping carrots I also hard-boiled eggs for Nick and I to have for another healthy snack option.

Now I am cooking us some lunch and I still need to clean up everything from this morning to fully finish my task so I can close this tab and move on to the next. Baby steps.

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2 thoughts on “Too Many Open Tabs

  1. oh, i recognise myself in that post…yet I get so much satisfaction from the simple act of ticking off my to-do list! I guess the main issue I have is that I don’t write that list at home, only at work…

    Like

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